When I first got engaged, I assumed that everyone would be as excited as we were. I was absolutely out of my mind in love with a man who had been my best friend for years. The word fiancé giddily rolled off of my tongue and our long-awaited wedding day couldn’t come soon enough (it was actually only a five month engagement, but it felt like forever!) The idea of marriage was a dream come true for me – but based on many people’s words and opinions, I was beginning to question if it was actually as bad as they made it seem.
For some people, our joy and very real love for one another didn’t seem as important to them as it was to us. Instead of partaking in our excitement, they took it upon themselves to “warn” us.
Many people told me that I was way too young. Some said, without hesitation, that marriage was the biggest mistake of their lives. Absolute strangers shared horror stories about divorce as soon as the word “fiancé” came out of my mouth. I quickly began to choke that word down, rather than sharing it with joy. My heart broke when I showed my ring to a woman whom I greatly admired and her response was, “Oh, Lindsey. Marriage is so hard.”
It’s been five and a half years since my husband proposed – and guess what? Marriage is so good. We really are having so much fun. We absolutely love being married and to this day, we are the very, very best of friends.
I want to share this with my single and engaged friends – not to boast – but to encourage. I have been surrounded by divorce. I have lived amongst and alongside broken families. I’m not immune to it and I don’t pretend to be; I know very well that temptation and selfishness can overtake the most devout marriage.
To be clear – my husband and I have had our own share of struggles. He and I have had moments in which we wondered if we were going to make it another day. One of my best friends can attest to the fact that she has received phone calls, during which my tears drown out my voice, because Jesse and I had just gone through an awful argument. But despite any hardship, we haven’t quit, and we don’t want to, because the good so far outweighs the “hard”.
Sweet friends – I want to encourage you:
Marriage is a blast. Marriage is good. It is a gift and it’s hard work. But what good things in life don’t take work? If you choose to get married, it will be one of the most purifying relationships that you will ever be a part of. I have countless friends that I share life with who absolutely adore their marriages.
Yes, some days it can be more bitter than sweet, but, guys, it is still so sweet.
Whenever my husband and I drive to a wedding, we often talk about the fact that the couple has very little idea about what they’re getting themselves into:
They can’t fathom how special and unforgettable the moment will be when they look one another in the eyes after their new baby laughs for the very first time.
Many couples have yet to experience the joy that comes from creating their very own holiday traditions with their little family. (We love hot cocoa, board games, ugly onesies and Christmas music dance parties on Christmas Eve!)
They have no idea how refreshing it will be, coming home from a really hard day, to see their spouse’s smile and know that they’re able to be completely themselves in a truly safe place.
And isn’t it exciting to think about the sweet moments of sharing the greatest accomplishments in life with the unwavering support of a lifelong best friend?
A wedding is only the beginning. The best parts come after.
Marriage doesn’t suck – or at least it doesn’t have to. It is very much a result of the work, forgiveness, understanding and grace that you pour into it. Joy as a couple comes from a solid foundation, open communication, paying attention to one another and putting your husband or wife above yourself.
So, as a word of encouragement, the next time one of your married friends gives in to this “just you wait” or “good luck” kind of talk (even if it is well-intended), please brush that off and graciously remind them of this:
Every marriage is as different as the individuals in it. Their view is not your view and their marriage will never be exactly like your own.
Please don’t ever allow someone else’s experience to dictate your perspective or expectations for your own marriage.
The more that we feed others the lie that marriage is too difficult to stick with, or that it is destined to be broken, the more we perpetuate the pain that comes with divorce. God created this unity for our joy and His glory. A broken family doesn’t have to be the norm. We have the ability to break this cycle.
Yes, friends, marriage is hard.
But people already know that, don’t they?
I think it’s time to start reminding them that marriage is also really, really good.
If you are in a season of difficulty in your marriage or just want to continue growing together, I strongly encourage you to check out The Love Dare along with any of these helpful books:
With Grace,
Lindsey
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Yes!! I couldn't agree more! People talk about marriage in such a negative way but I think is such a blessing!! I love being married so much and it's been 11 years for us and 3 kids later! I love him more every year! Awesome post about the beauty of marriage!
That is so amazing, Jehava!! Good for you!! Share your testimony - people in our society really need to hear that! I love knowing you! <3
This was beautifully written, Lindsey. Other than accepting Christ, my marriage has been the biggest and best decision I've ever made. And coming from divorce, it was definitely scary, but like you said... I don't have to look at my marriage through my parents or the worlds failures, I can view marriage through the lens of Jesus and the church, and what a beautiful lens that is.
Thanks for sharing!!
XOXO
Hi Amaris! You are so sweet. Thank you for your continual words of encouragement. I would love to hear more of your story soon. Messaging you now! <3
Here Here. I could not agree more. I love this and I agree some single folks are against it but I think any committed relationship has so many pluses.
Yes, totally true! You've got to try it before you knock it ;) haha.
So very true, and so wonderfully stated! We always say we are a marriage of 3 - the 2 of us and God. We couldn't do it without that foundation to lean on. We always have said the word divorce will NEVER be said, and we have had some epic fights, but I always know he is there for me, and I am there for him no matter what. We are stuck with each other, haha! After 12 years of marriage and 2 kids, there is absolutely no one that I want to do life with! Great post!
Amen! The foundation is key. I always notice when that gets shaky, everything else gets shaky as well. I'm so happy for you and love your story of encouragement! SHARE THAT! People will be blessed!! Have a great week, Leah!
So true ❤️ Marriage is one of life biggest blessings! Love your encouragement and faith centered words ❤️ Definitely my favorite blog ? keep doing what your doing, God is truly using you to speak life to others ☺️??
You are SO sweet Rae! Thank you so much for reading! You totally made my night. <3
Marriage definitely doesn't suck. :) I'm on my 3rd marriage, which was not how I envisioned my married life to be, but I am SO blessed to be with the man I'm with. I'm going to check out the books you shared, because I only want my marriage to be better and stronger. <3
That's amazing! I'm so happy to hear that Amanda!! I hope you love the books!
Your words are exactly how I feel about marriage, marriage is not easy, but it is oh so worth it! I guess the only advice I'd give, is to marry someone that is willing to listen to you, and is able to understand where you are coming from. Whenever I feel like something is not going right, I can always talk to my husband, accept what each other is doing wrong, and try to make changes that'll help each other, the best thing about this, is that I know he'll remember what I said, and he'll try his best to help me, and for me to see him trying to make me happy, is worth sooo much, and I just want to make him happy in return.
You are amazing! This is all so true. It's SO important to have that communication and willingness to admit that you're wrong and need to grow. We are all sinners in need of grace! Thank you so much for reading, Avril! P.S. Love your name!
Haha I love this! I had a lot of support when I got married, but there's always those friends that are a bit skeptical. It's true, marriage is awesome!
Yes! I guess I should have said that we did have some support lol but lots of negative nancy's as well!! Thanks for reading Alicia! <3
Wow! This post made me more emotional than I thought. I am one of those people that have developed a negative outlook on marriage because I have seen so many end horribly, and have had many failed relationships of my own. Thank you for telling your truths and how great marriage CAN be. I will be passing on this message to my friends about to get married this year!!!
I completely understand that, Taryn! I dealt with so many fears when we first got engaged - I even tried to break off our engagement at one point specifically for that reason! But you're right - it CAN be wonderful! Thank you so much for reading!
Marriage is great as long as you have met the right person to spend your life with.