It can be incredibly difficult to meet new people and make friends as an adult. We don’t have classes to go to or study groups to join. We no longer have sororities and fraternities or dorm roommates.
It is now up to us to meet people, and sometimes it may seem a lot easier to stay in, eat frozen pizza and binge-watch Netflix by ourselves.
But that’s not how it has to be. We have the opportunity to make new friends and create life-giving friendships.
In my experience, I have found that there is an endless list of reasons [or excuses] that people give when making the choice to “settle” in regards to friendship:
Do any of these reasons sound familiar to you?
This verse very intentionally addresses Christians who habitually neglect time spent with other Christians. The opposite of neglect is encouraging good works and love in one another. Those are such good things – great things – so why don’t we desire to pursue that more?
I definitely do not want to diminish how real the majority of the above reasons are. It is hard to make time, sometimes it is really nice to just be alone, and you’re not going to get along with everyone. Yet, despite our feelings, hesitations or busy schedules, scripture makes it clear that fellowship is a calling on the Christian life. The beauty of it is that God desires good for us and therefore calls us to good things, such as this.
When I first became a Christian, I didn’t have a lot of strong, believing women in my life. I prayed for many years to find faithful and loving friends whom I could learn more from. There were many seasons where I felt incredibly lonely and didn’t have anyone to go to.
I continued in my pursuit of real friendship.
I joined a community group and poured myself into ministry.
I can now honestly say that the friendships that I have in my life are incomparable. My best friendships weren’t created instantly – my two best friends weren’t immediately the people I shared all of my secrets with – it took time. But now, these relationships are beautiful and joyful and challenging and so incredibly refreshing. I have women who display the love of God to me every single day.
Proverbs 17:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
Other believers have the ability to sharpen your faith and stir you to exercise that faith in love and good works, to God’s glory.
I had friends walk into my house, unannounced, right after I had my son – arms filled with groceries and cleaning supplies. They selflessly chose to spend their afternoon cooking and cleaning for our new little family.
I have friends who drop everything if I need them, even when there are a million other things that they could be doing.
Friends who randomly drop off gifts or treats at my door in the middle of the day because they are thoughtful and kind.
I share life with women who see me in my marriage and gently pull me aside to encourage me to love my husband better.
Many who come to me in tears, in need of love and godly encouragement, through seasons of brokenness.
Some write or call me daily, even if I seem busy or distant, solely because they love well and are genuinely curious about how I am doing.
These are relationships that I never would have fathomed in my past. None of this has anything to do with who I am and everything to do with God’s grace and love that He rejoices in displaying through His children.
Christian fellowship is beautiful and good because it helps us to focus on Christ and His desires for us – whether we’re at the peak of a mountain top in our lives or deep in the trenches.
John 13:35 says, ”By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
How can we love one another in this way?
What does intentionality look like on a practical level?
Here are a few things that are helpful to me:
You will always have something else going on or somewhere else to be.
One of my best friends is a mom of two. She homeschools, leads worship at her church, leads a youth group and keeps a very busy schedule. Her time with God and her family are most important, but we work to make time for one another because our friendship is such a gift. I’m the furthest thing from a morning person, but she comes over at 6:00 a.m. every Friday, we chug [a lot of] coffee and catch up on life. It’s not the easiest and sometimes we just lay there – haha -, but the reward of our time spent together is so worth it!
This list just scratches the surface, but it is enough to remind us that we need the community to grow up in Christ. I pray that you will not neglect fellowship today, but instead, take the time to pursue and enjoy it as God has intended.
Make sure to follow along next week – I will be sending out a list of a few very practical ways to meet new people!
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Ugh i love this Lindsey!! So important to have friendships and you share such awesome tips here! Friendships are so important and life giving for me! Thanks for sharing!!
So good Linds! Because of a combination of you talking to me and your blog I have come to the conclusion that although my constant struggle to have a labeled "best friend" had always come up empty handed, blaming it on the "thought" of lack of love I was recieving on their part, (which isn't true) in reality the friends I have around me already love, encourage, and humble me in their own way and I never thought that all of them as a unit could be viewed as that "best friend" that I so badly wanted. I can't go to one specific person for everything but I can go to each of them for different things and that has transformed the way I see friends! So thank you for the friendship post! I could always go for some encouraging words on friendship!
So true and so encouraging Lindsey. True friendship takes work and needs to be God centered.
We move a lot, so I seem to find myself always trying to make new friends. I have gotten better at it over the years, but this definitely helped to encourage me as I continue my prayer filled journey to have more authentic friendships.
This was truly inspiring! There are so many times I say I am too busy for friends or use my kids as an excuse! I needed to read this so I can pursue more life giving friendships as God intended???
This is such a great reminder to have, especially at this time of the year when it gets colder outside and people in general start to stay inside. It can be so easy to isolate but when it comes to it, our relationships are what we have in life. They can make us stronger, wiser, and better. Thanks so much for sharing.
this is perfect, lindsey! having friendships as an adult is not always easy but so worth it.
What a great post! It's so true that friendships take more effort after college. Loved reading this.
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