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You see the beautiful pictures on Facebook of a Pinterest-worthy wedding and the “I Said Yes!” photos plastered all over your screen. If you are longing for a husband, you may immediately feel lonely and left behind. You’re trying to figure out what your life plan is supposed to look like and why your prince charming hasn’t yet arrived to blissfully sweep you off of your feet.
It was about seven years ago that I became unexpectedly single due to a seemingly promising relationship gone horribly wrong. He and I had looked at rings. We had talked about the future. And in one night, it was crushed. He broke my heart. I remember praying for months, with tears falling down my cheeks, as I tried to figure out what God’s plan was for me. I wanted to be married. I wanted a family. But I was terrified of having to start all over again.
I share life with so many girls who currently feel just as I did at that time.
They are disappointed that their life isn’t where they expected it to be at their age.
They’re tired of seeing the engagement posts, wedding photos and pregnancy announcements.
Even when they want to be happy for their friends, they find themselves having to force a smile.
Discontentment and envy have made themselves at home in their hearts.
They are just ready for it to be their turn.
mattandtish.com
I would like to share with you the same words that I offer those dear friends. I wish I knew God’s plan for you. I wish that I could tell you that it will happen soon. That your fairytale ending is right around the corner. I don’t know what God has in store, but I do want to say that an honorable and respectable man is worth your wait.
And please know that even when it may feel like it, you are not even close to “forgotten.”
Patience can be hard and discouraging, can’t it? It’s irritating to hear the words “just be patient” over and over again, especially when you’re lonely. I am just here to gently remind you that you’re not alone. And there is so much hope and joy waiting for you – even today.
In the midst of my own heartache, I quickly learned that I needed to make the best of this time that I had. It was a time to make positive changes to my life in order to prepare my heart for my future husband, so that I would be the kind of person I wished to marry.
If I could give any piece of advice to you, it would be this: Don’t date because you’re lonely. Instead, pursue a deeper relationship with God. Know him more, know Him deeper and take the time to learn more about yourself. Please, rip up your endless list of expectations and allow God to write them for you.
Run after God’s mission and then turn to see who is running next to you.
Jesse and I were friends for years before I even looked his way. Why? Because God’s timing is always perfect. He knows when we’re ready. If He hasn’t failed you before, why should this be any different?
I have a friend who told me that she has been single for longer than she would like. She said that she (knowingly) has the impulsive tendency to fantasize about a new life as a girlfriend or wife, even before the check is paid on a first date. She becomes extremely excited about the future and the potential that her date has. And yet – when it doesn’t work out – she is broken. After a few dates together, she has already created him to be the man who will eventually sweep her off of her feet, before she even truly knows who he is. Disappointment sets in and the fact that it didn’t work out leaves her feeling hopeless.
I think we’re all more guilty of this than we’d like to admit. You may begin to blame yourself when relationships don’t work out. You’re disappointed and broken because you so badly wanted him to be good for you, and yet you never really took the time to consider that he actually wasn’t.
Sometimes we live like chameleons, don’t we? Adjusting our “skin” to suit a guy who was never suited for us in the first place. Beautiful girl – I want to admonish you to remain true to who you are no matter how difficult it may be. Trust me, I know that’s easier said than done, but you don’t want to lose yourself in the process.
Don’t force it. Don’t settle.
If God intends for you to marry, the man that He has for you is going to blow your mind.
The man who makes you laugh hysterically, even at yourself.
The man who pursues you and romances you as his beautiful bride, even 50 years later.
The man who strives to always place your needs above his own.
The man who makes you feel safer than you’ve ever been, emotionally and physically.
The man who loves you as Jesus loves His church.
The man who causes your knees to buckle and brings you to tears with a few heartfelt words.
He is worth the wait.
This is my husband, Jesse. We have been married for almost 5 years. You guys – I love my story, even the heartache, brokenness, loneliness and many, many tears that are a large part of it. It’s what got me here. And I pray that one day you will love your story as well. Please listen to my words today when I say that you are beautiful, cherished and worthy. You deserve a good man. Don’t ever allow yourself to believe anything different. And I truly trust that your longing, hurting heart will one day dissolve and exist only as a far-off memory.
But until then, and forever after, hand your heart over to the King who sees you, knows you and loves you far more than you could ever imagine.
With Grace,
Lindsey
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Lovely post, thanks for sharing.
Your beautiful in all u share. I will be 70 next yr. I have been single 30 yrs.lived my life to raise my beautiful son and daughter. Now, im very lonely most of the time now that my little Abby dog passed. My children live as though i m miles away. Yet im only 1/2 a mile away. I really don’t know where i favor with the lord , i just know i wait on him and have always believed he has all the answers .
Hi Jeannetta. I am praying for you. I lost my grandma last year and I fear that she felt much like you just expressed back in November. I would give anything to go back in time. I would love to hear more of your story if you feel up to it. Feel free to email me if you’d like to talk. My name is Michele, and I am 32. I am raising my niece who is 13. My email is mthomps0911@gmail.com.
Great read, and so very true. I had one failed marriage when I met my “Mr. Right.” We ended up getting pregnant, had a daughter and separated when she was 4 months old. I loved the man dearly, he just wasn’t ready to be what I needed. I ended marrying someone else … a huge mistake. It lasted a year and it was over. There I was, divorced again. My Mr. Right had grown a lot in the time we’d spent apart and so we began again. We lived together for two years before getting pregnant with our second daughter. I had told him long ago not to ask me to marry him, because I’d say no. I wasn’t going to go there again. But, he did, when I was seven months pregnant. And I said yes. Because I LOVED him. We got married a month later, on the beach where we shared our first kiss 8 years earlier. A month after that, we were blessed with out second daughter. They are now 7 and 21 months old and the light of our lives. I love doing life with my husband. I never knew I could feel so deeply for someone as I do him. I thank God every night he had the courage to ask me to be his wife. I am truly lucky to have him.
Thank you so much for reading, Jen. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that but I am so grateful that your relationship was restored and that you have two beautiful babies to share this life with you both! Hugs to you!
Lindsey – thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this post! I am so thankful that I stumbled upon it, because I think it is exactly what I needed to hear right now. Being in my late 20s, I feel like I am behind because I am not really dating, but you are absolutely right – everything will happen in God’s time and I need to wait to see what he has planned for me.
Thank you!
Emily
I love this so much, thank you for writing it! Been struggling with loneliness a lot lately (was almost in tears over it on the car ride to work this morning actually), and this brought me so much hope and encouragement. Thanks for reminding me that because of Jesus, there’s always hope and always something to look forward to! You have a beautiful heart!
Hi Kassidy! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I’m so sorry to hear that this has been a struggle for you – I know that sometimes it can be one of the most lonely feelings in the world. But Jesus definitely gives SO much hope and I pray that He continues to fill your heart with joy in the midst of this season! You are so sweet! I hope this year is wonderful for you. <3
Awww! I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve gone through. But you are right, he is definitely worth the wait! Just hang in there, and he’ll come in the least unexpected time!
Belle | One Awesome Momma
Yes. YES. YES!! God’s timing is always perfect! And he spoke to me directly through your words today with this beautifully written article. God sent you as my angel today. I love you!
You are so sweet, Bonnie! Love you!
Lindsay – what a sweet and true post. I’m also married now but didn’t until I was 30 so really struggled with this for years. I definitely could have used this advice through those years!
I definitely wish I would have known this as well! I’m so sorry that you struggled but I’m so grateful that you found your prince charming! 🙂
My first “Mr. Right” turned out to be somebody completely different 10 years later. I kinda knew it would happen, but I was in a rush to get on with my happily ever after. That’s what happens when you’re not patient and choose the wrong person, lol! When you’re in between relationships, or in that awful “waiting and being patient” period, work on being the girl of your own dreams! It will be worth it!
Yes! I totally struggled with trying to ‘force fit’ people into my life, even when I knew it wasn’t for the best!! Thanks so much for sharing that!
Wow what a beautiful post. My best friend just told me she was pregnant and I definitely felt a twinge of envy. I love how you say he is worth the wait because that is exactly what God told me about my husbanday. Thank you for sharing!
Awe – thank you so much for sharing that, Emily. I know how difficult that can be. Are you trying to get pregnant? I would love to hear more about your story. <3
I LOVE this post. I love how you can tell where you heart is in this post. It’s amazing.
Thank you so much, Kristen!
Fabulous post! Loved reading about your journey…we often feel alone in the wait. So encouraging to see how God has come through for you, dreams really do come true!
This seriously speaks to me so much. I was so incredibly guilty of this in college. I found myself being a chameleon, trying to make each guy I dated into the perfect fit. But of course, you can’t force fate, or what’s meant to be. It’s somewhat embarrassing looking back on it at times, as I definitely lost myself and lost many things I stood for along the way. Happy to say I’ve found a keeper, and now I’m somewhat thankful for the struggle because it makes me appreciate him so much more. Amazing post my love!!! You have such a way with words xoxo
http://www.brunchonsunday.com
Oh girl, you’re speaking exactly what was on my heart!! I definitely force fit so many people into my life and I lost myself along the way as well. And I can relate to the shame factor, but I think it’s just an amazing opportunity to share what you’ve learned with girls who are going through the same thing! I’m so glad you’ve found the man who was worth waiting for! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment!
Great piece! I was wed at 21 and was one of the first and I remember conversations with my girlfriends that sounded much like the ones you are referencing. I understood their pain but didn’t know how to comfort them at the time. Your advice is perfect! And, it is so true. I am 35 now and most of my friends have found love and they wouldn’t have their amazing hubbies if they weren’t patient and waiting on God’s timing. It’s never easy to wait but His timing is always perfect!
I absolutely LOVE this. I went through a similar phase and I took time off from dating to figure out myself for over a year. While we all want to be loved, it may not be everyones time.
Meghan | beyondbasicblog.com
Such a great read and such beautiful photos!! So nice to hearr this perspective!
“Run after God’s mission and then turn to see who is running next to you.” This is wonderful!! I was just talking to a sweet friend of mine about this yesterday and brought her to Matthew 6:33. Continue to seek God first…the story God has for all of us is uniquely beautiful an in His perfect timing,
Amen! Thank you so much for reading, Patricia!
I agree with you 100%. I am still single and I started to spend time with God and to work on the things he placed in my heart. That way I do not feel like I am doing nothing. I am busy living my own life.
Great story about God’s faithfulness. Sometimes, I struggle with being single, but I rather be single than settle for less.
Amen! P.S. Love your name! <3
Your family is beautiful as are these pictures! So stunning.
Awe! Thank you so much sweet girl!
Your message is so powerful and true! It is so hard to wait and be patient, but God’s plan and reward for you more than make up for it! I love that you are pointing young, single women toward the King. He will never disappoint us or forget us. Your love story and family are beautiful! God is good!
You are so incredibly kind, Sarah! Thank you so much for that encouragement and love!!!
This is absolutely beautifully written! All the YES to this!
Awe – thank you so much, Rachel!
Thanks for sharing your stories, Lindsey. This is the first time I read your blog and I read many of them. I read the one about starting all over again and the ones about waiting too. I am already 40.5 years old. I am not 20s / 30s anymore. And a relationship I thought was budding, the guy turns out to be not ready for a marriage (even though he’s serving in church) and I have no idea when I will find someone. All along, being a wife and mother and building family has been my dream and I am not interested in career etc. though I am working. But my heart has always been to family and supporting a husband, godly family. Can you tell? Friends have said I can settle for a fine Christian guy and I am choosy. But how can I just go out with guys I don’t like romantically/sexually and I treat them only as friends. Whereas those I like, didn’t chase me and I am disappointed. I have even frozen my eggs recently, going thru an invasive procedure and drug injections, just to freeze my eggs.
[…] Friends, dating is hard. Being single is hard—especially when we see engagements, weddings and baby announcements flooding our social media feeds. I know first-hand how desperately we can long to hear the words, “Will you marry me?” and how … […]
I just found your blog and I have read a few of them for the last hour. So in love with your heart! Anyways thank you for taking the time to write this. I am 23, and I have never been in a relationship or dated before. It’s so hard! When you see your friends going to each others weddings, some even starting to have kids, especially the ones who are a few years younger than you. And I know I am still young, but the thought I may never marry just kills me sometimes. My parents have a wonderful marriage too (25 years this summer). But I am trying really hard to focus on my relationship with Jesus. I want to believe that he is all I ever will need and be completely satisfied in him, but that still doesn’t decrease my longing for a companion someday…and the things that come with it like having my own kids. Thank you 🙂
Lindsey, this was sent to me via crosswalk website. It came at the point when i just needed assurance of this fact that God has a pln for me and I should not loose hope. May God bless you and your family. May you continue to grow, share and bless the people that read your blog.
[…] that tend to control the decisions that we make. Isn’t it easy to fall into the trap of believing that we may never get married so we might as well give […]
Hi Lindsey, I often return to this post and read it. I feel as a Christian woman sometimes there is pressure to get married and start a family, especially from older relatives. I am holding on to a relationship right now that I know isn’t what God has planned for me. I feel like I am settling for this guy even though he doesn’t want to have a spiritual relationship. I love this guy but I know deep down he isn’t the guy I am supposed to marry. It’s hard because I feel alone but your post makes me feel like I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing this.
I lost my husband in an accident ten years back. Fell in love again but this pandemic has stalled everything and I m just loosing hope .I feel exhausted being patient.
Hi, my name is Olivia. I’m 23, single, never really dated. I was hurt in highschool and was naive and have into peer pressure. God forgave me and I promised my body, heart, and soul to Jesus when I was 17. I haven’t dated since then, and I’ve been praying for my Husband to find me. This article is so good to read. I’m in a much better place but at times I’m still really lonely. Lately however God is showing me that he’s working on me as he prepares my husband. I had a dream last year in 2020 that a tall, young man was my boyfriend ( I couldn’t see his face though) and I was introducing him to my family saying how he’s saved and I just couldn’t believe it — literally. It was snowing outside and during my favorite time of year. I feel like God gave me that dream to hold onto hope. Please pray it comes to pass but above all for God’s will to be done in my life.
It’s been 3 years and Oh God, how my heart still aches and my stomach still twists and turns of the thought of what had transpired. 🥺
I just want to be happy again. 😞💔
I am so sorry to hear this, Celine 🙁 I am praying for you today. God is faithful to heal your heart.