One morning in college, I woke up, got ready and drove to a church to buy myself a purity ring. My heart ached a little bit at the thought of it, because even at that time, the last word that I would have used to define myself was “pure.”
Maybe regretful, ashamed, dirty, totally undeserving of an honorable man’s affections.
But definitely not pure.
Here’s a little back story: I had made many commitments to make drastic changes to my life before this day, but those empty words often resulted in nothing. I continued living my life the only way that I knew how.
I jumped from relationship to relationship because I was insecure and dependent. If I even felt that a relationship was on the rocks, I would make sure I had someone else waiting in the background. Sad, right? My heart was a torn up piece of cloth and I kept trying to patch it with the wrong things.
There was one specific day when I found out that my on-and-off again boyfriend of three years was dating someone new. I had given everything to him and that physical and emotional connection meant double the heartbreak. It crushed me. My mind ran wild and my heart physically hurt for months.
But instead of healing in a healthy way, I decided to heal my broken heart by seeking more attention. I drank a lot and made bad decisions. I forced myself to date people who were never a good fit in the first place, because “I just wanted to be happy.”
But it made me the opposite. I often went home crying, depressed and broken after a night out. I asked myself: “Why do I keep going back to this lifestyle if it makes me so unhappy?” I couldn’t answer that.
And yet, I still ensured that I had someone on speed dial to keep me company, just in case the feeling of brokenness began creeping back up on me. And it always did. It always does, doesn’t it? I was a wretched mess who couldn’t stand on my own two feet without fake love and empty affection.
I gave my life to Jesus when I was 19. I have loved Him & failed Him ever since that day, but He still loves me endlessly. If I’m honest, my surrender to Him was initially more of a moment of “nothing else is working, so I might as well try this.” But God is good and gave grace despite my selfishness. And after I surrendered it all to Him – the filth, the despair, the loneliness – I knew something was about to be different.
My desires were different. God was changing my present. And little did I know, He was drastically changing my future the moment that He led me to buy that ring.
I knew something new was coming. I was so ready and excited to destroy the life that made me feel undeserving and shameful and turn it into a distant memory.
After I bought the ring that day, I got into my car and I shut the door. As soon as I placed it on my finger, I began to cry. I broke down into an overwhelming sob which led to a full-on ugly cry.
You guys, I couldn’t have even prepared myself for the beautiful emotions I felt or the thoughts that ran through my mind. It wasn’t the ring itself that changed me, but the Person behind it.
I kept hearing this verse: “If anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation. Old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” 2 Cor. 5:17
And in that moment, I felt a lot of things.
But more than anything, I felt free.
Free from the obligation to be someone I never really wanted to be.
Free from allowing myself to feel used, just because I was lonely.
Free from permitting someone who called only when he “felt like it” to define every ounce of my worth.
Free from seeking attention and praise for my looks or my body.
Free from the desire to give myself up to anyone, especially someone who wouldn’t walk a mile for me – let alone five hundred.
I was free from the life that was so far from what was intended for me.
And, sweet friends, that life is also so, so far from what is intended for you.
I want to encourage you today.
No matter how disappointing, empty, discouraged or worthless you feel, I want to remind you that you are not any of those things. You are more than your mistakes. You are loved, precious and worthy because of Christ.
Whatever it is that you are dependent on or in bondage to, God is offering you a fresh start.
You may be married now and bear the burden of guilt for your past decisions. Or you are in the midst of living out these mistakes today, seeking a way out without any direction. Either way: you are loved.
You may not have deserved a second chance, but you are offered one. And today you have the choice to choose Him – over yourself – and begin afresh.
I’ve been married to my husband, Jesse, for five years now. He and I fought really hard to remain pure until we were finally married. And it was so worth it. Some people mocked it, but I didn’t mind. I was secure in the belief that God created intimacy for my husband and him alone. I was content in waiting (even when it got really stinking hard.)
Jesse loved God enough, and loved me enough, to actively show me that his priority was my heart and not my body. I had never been offered that kind of respect before. I had never even tried to earn it.
The closeness in our relationship was unmatched because we spent time talking and learning about one another rather than leaning on intimacy as a crutch.
He displayed an unconditional love for me that I had never once received in my life. He made me feel really, truly loved. He would have walked five hundred miles for me without a second thought.
And he made me feel like I was worth waiting for.
On our honeymoon, it all came together. It was one of the most beautiful weeks of my life.
My story was no longer one of shame, but one of redemption.
It’s a story of ashes to beauty because of forgiveness and love. And I understood, in that moment, exactly why we are called to wait. He was mine and I was his. I didn’t have to fear him leaving or not calling the next day. We were One. I can give him every portion of my mind, body and soul because he is my protector. He is my safe place. And he is my forever, not my “maybe forever”.
God moves in us. God heals us day after day from the brokenness we cause for ourselves. He fills our lives with a fullness that we can’t even fathom without Him. And He loves you enough to set you on a new path.
Are you willing to let Him change your story today?
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When You’re Tired of Waiting on Prince Charming
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Thank you for sharing Lindsey! What an amazing God we serve!
Thank you for sharing your story. God led me here for a reason . I have been wanting to buy a purity ring for years after the similar past that I have. I always froze at the thought because of being ashamed and afraid of judgment..not anymore. ❤️
Proud of you!!! <3
This hits home for sure as I have a young daughter….perfectly written. Thank you!
Thank you thank you thank you Lindsey!
Lindsey, I am so very proud to know you! By sharing this it will surely help others. You and your husband are truly meant for each other. Blessings to Dear! ?
Such an amazing read… I’ve been wanting to write about my journey with purity and honestly, I haven’t been able to yet. Definitely a sensitive topic for me but your post encouraged me! Thank you!!
Loveee this. So awesomeyou get to share your story of redemption! If you haven’t read the book Redeeming Love you really should, I have a feeling you’ll really connect with it!
Wow Lindsey! This post was so inspiring. I am so happy for you and how you turned everything around. I wish you nothing but the absolute best!
This post is truly a treasure and it will really encourage a lot of people out there. It truly is worth the wait despite what the world says. I sometimes have the opportunity to communicate this with a few of my female high school students and believe me, they listen VERY closely. Your blog post has given me some wonderful Bible verses to use as encouragement. I commend you for putting your Godly values into words! He really is using you to advance His Kingdom. Thank you! 🙂
Thank you for sharing, Lindsey. Your posts are such an encouragement!
So raw and so beautiful. May the Lord be glorified by your honesty!
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s so similar to my own, and I LOVE hearing purity messages with heart and depth and beauty. The best thing my husband and I did was wait until marriage. It’s a precious gift that we still cherish over 8 years into our marriage. It wasn’t about the not doing something for the sake of following the rules, or being ‘good’. It was part of the covenant we have created together, and it drove our passion for one another to a deep place that continues to grow. (oh how I love that man!)
I love this. Thank you for writing such an honest story that I hope will help many others. I waited with my husband, and I am so glad I did. Now that I understand fully what intimacy entails emotionally and spiritually as well as physically, I understand why it’s so important to reserve for marriage.
I can relate to this one for sure. But, thankfully for me God’s grace and forgiveness runs deep. I’m forever His.
Wonderful message! I think so many women go through this in one way or another, probably more than admit it. Thanks for being brave and sharing your story to help others.
Such a beautiful story of the forgiveness and grace that can only come from God. I love how He so masterfully takes us in our brokenness and shame and turns us into the most beautiful creations that reflect His glory. Thank you for going there, for being raw and honest, and willing to share it with others. I know God will work through you to bless others.
SO great. I love this. I wish I had waited. There are so many reasons why it is the right choice. Thank you for sharing your story.
This is truly beautiful Lindsey. Just last week I shared of my own story of hope and redemption after my yes to temptation led to an unwanted pregnancy and ultimately an abortion. For years I thought I was worthless until I finally, truly, found my worth in HIM and I know first hand that there is immeasurable grace and redemption in Christ Jesus!!
Наступила долгожданная весна!
Каждая, любящая себя девушка должна позаботиться о себе, чтобы выглядеть на все 100.
И я такая же, сообразительная и решила немного поработать над собой.
Нашла рекомендации, как сделать себе красивое лицо и фигуру.
Потом, подумала и решила поделиться с вами.
Как улучшить форму груди
Как сделать шею длиннее
Wow-this was something i really needed to read. I have felt so lost lately in so many ways. Can i ask where you got your purity ring?
Hi Audrina! I purchased it from Calvary Albuquerque but I’m sure you can purchase them online too! I am always here to talk if you need! My email is email@example.com. <3
Man, I needed this. So encouraging! I’ve been reading “Uninvited” by Lysa Terkeurst & it’s been such a great time being healed and made whole in Him. Thank you so much! It’s great to hear stories like yours that has a victory at the end.
Another brilliant post Lindsey! Building a connection based on something that isn’t physical is the most amazing connection one can have. It builds a strength between you and your partner that can’t be mimicked or rocked. It allows you to build a foundation that is strong enough to build a LIFE together on.
God is always there and to know they brings a level of peace that can’t be mimicked. Like your instastory post said…God is good!!
This is so beautifully written and I think our lives may be a mirror image of each other lol what a blessing to encourage women in this! God makes all things new!
This was really good. Thanks for your transparency.
This is such a sweet and precious post. I love that you are vulnerable enough to share it with others–I know that your story will help many others. I am thankful you found your soul mate 🙂
So beautiful Lindsey <3 Seriously, so many woman need to read this, thank you for your courage, strength, and vulnerability <3
What a blessing it is to come across this! I have been here many times and it is so destructive. I have felt worthless, empty and without the Spirit for quite some time now because I fell into the same old trap once again. I have been praying for something to come along to let me know God still loves me and isn’t done with me yet. And let me tell you, this journey has had me dig into the Word more and on top of that, your post is such an encouragement and helps me to know I am not alone in my struggles. God’s grace, mercy, and love is endless and unconditional! He is working in me and I can feel it!! Thank you for being so open and vulnerable to share your story with everyone and for showing others the hope and love that can only come from Jesus!
So encouraged after reading this. It has totally changed the trajectory of my day.
I was just talking to Jesus yesterday, for the first time about my failures with many different men, and I laid it all at the foot of the cross. I’m so grateful that He sent my “Honey” to me, someone who knows how to show me I’m loved, in many different ways. We’re married 7 yrs now, and more in love than ever, praise God! Thank you for your story. I could really relate!
I have a similar story and WAS ashamed until I read your story. If you wouldn’t have shared your story with the world, I wouldn’t have been free today. Thank you Lindsay! You have no idea what you have done for me today. I wish you knew….
This was beautiful! I love reading another sister in Christ’s message of grace. I loved every bit of this post and indeed we serve a God who is full of abundant grace, unfailing love, and never-ending mercy. Thank You for sharing.
This is so inspiring to me…wow. I am just incredibly grateful that there are others out there to look to for advice. Especially when it comes to topics like this! In this day and age, I know it’s so easy to feel alone and “weird” for certain views. Society has warped people’s minds, and it’s quite sad when you think about it… Thank you for being such a REAL and HONEST person, and for being such a role model that I can look up to!
Much love Xx
Thank you for sharing your story. However, it could have been mine. To the “T”. The only difference is that I went through a divorce and God decided to bring out those past mistakes and clean house!! And I am SO thankful He did! Now, I have committed to walking in purity and am dating a wonderful godly man who is walking in purity with me! And it is so similar to how you describe your relationship with your precious husband! Don’t be afraid to be bold about your brokenness! You are touching other’s lives and helping them learn that there is more than just focusing on their past sins-there is the newness of life in Jesus Christ! Blessings!
Amen! I come from a background of childhood sexual abuse, as do many women, and one of the themes I promote is that chastity begins now. One can be a virgin or not a virgin, but Jesus cares about who we are at this moment.
[…] truly listened. He took notes and remembered the things in my life that I considered important. He honored me physically and worked hard to know me […]
[…] I read Lindsey’s story, “To The Girl Who Already Had Sex Before Marriage,” I shared it with many people as I knew […]
Love this!! thanks for being so open and honest
Thank you for sharing! Your transparency was refreshing and honest. I pray daily for my children to find their worth in Christ and find a partner that also finds theirs in Him as well. What a joy it is to see you share your faith so honestly!! Thank you!!