I recently wrote a post titled, “Dear Wife: Why Your Husband Really Needs You.” As I wrote, I realized that there were too many reasons for one post, so I decided to split it up into two separate portions. This is part two!
As I mentioned previously, we have the sweet privilege as wives to help, love and nurture our husbands. We will never satisfy or fulfill them in the way that Jesus can and will. We were never created to be that for them.
And yet, your role as a wife is so crucial and beautiful. The next time you feel unseen or unnecessary in your husband’s life, I want you to remember why you are so desperately vital to your groom and why he needs you.
1. He needs intimacy outside of the bedroom.
I once heard a quote that went something like this, “Getting married for sex is like buying an airplane for the peanuts.” I still laugh when I think about this, because as a girl who chose to remain pure with my husband before marriage, sex was a really big deal. And of course it still is, but as life has carried on, I’ve realized that, yes, sex is a very important facet of our marriage, but it definitely doesn’t stand alone.
Our husbands don’t only need our touch; they need us to see them. Sharing your emotional side is just as important as sharing your physical. Ladies, he needs to know that you feel safe with him. He needs a companion and a best friend. He needs to feel handsome and desired – and to be reminded that you still find him just as masculine and attractive as you did on your wedding day.
Take time out of your day (every day) to compliment him. Hold his hand. Praise him in public. Do things that he loves to do. Send him romantic texts regularly. Let him know that he is cherished and seen.
2. He needs sex.
Allow me to lovingly make this point clear: You BOTH do. He is not the only one. You and your husband both need companionship and intimacy that only the other can fulfill.
Wives: Sex in marriage is important. It is necessary. And it isn’t simply a suggestion as much as many women would like to believe that it is.
It can be easy to push this part of marriage to the wayside and neglect our husbands physically. I am fully aware that that there may be backgrounds of hurt and distrust that must be overcome – it can be a difficult topic and one that deserves grace and understanding. But sweet friends, these issues have to be dealt with, whether through counseling, prayer or reading, in order to come to a place where you are physically intimate with your spouse.
1 Cor. 7:5 reminds married couples, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
There is an entire book of the Bible that talks about the beauty and importance of sex. Intimacy is a gift from God and is a very important component of marriage which is intended to be enjoyed and embraced!
Friends, we are called to intimacy. It has a very great power to shift the health of your marriage when it is or is not made a consistent priority.
3. He needs you to display your contentment.
The majority of our husbands work incredibly hard to provide for their families. Your husband very likely wants to feel as if he is meeting the desires of his wife. When you live within your family’s financial means, you are respecting your husband by validating him and his hard work. If you are continuously bringing up the changes you want to make to your home, the vacations you want to go on, the new car you want to purchase – you are likely placing an incredibly heavy burden on your spouse that you may not be aware of.
Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE to travel. I am always planning extravagant vacations just for fun. I often show pictures to Jesse and ask, “Can we please go in a few months?!”
I’m half-joking (and half-not) when I ask him – and he knows this. We have goals for our family. We want to continue to invest in properties and we are both working toward the same goals, but we won’t achieve them if I “have” to go on extravagant vacations constantly. I know that the wait will be worth it in the long run, but sometimes I just test him to see if his answer is “yes”.
I have been learning that it’s not always necessary, or helpful, to share every single “want” that we have. It’s good to have goals and for your husband to be aware of those goals, but it’s also extremely important to choose to be content in the season of life that God has you in. Your husband has a very deep desire to give you the life you always wanted. When we continuously show that we want “more, more, more”, we make him feel as if what he’s already doing isn’t enough.
4. He needs you to let him make his own mistakes.
When your husband makes a mistake, it’s a part of his growth. But as women, we tend to be ‘fixers’, don’t we? We want to prevent our husbands from making poor choices and may have the tendency to remind them of their mistakes when they make the wrong choice. But your husband needs you to help him up when he falls, not to kick him when he’s down.
1 Peter 3: 1-2 says, “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
When we live in a way that is an encouragement to our husbands, we can know that we are doing everything in our power to be an example and display what God has done in our own lives. This isn’t to say that having real, hard conversations isn’t important, because it is. But words are only words if they’re not lived out.
We have the freedom to allow our husbands to make his own mistakes, without nagging, fighting or rubbing them in his face. We have to trust that God is powerful enough to work in and through him and to change his heart in the flawed and sinful areas. We must remember that it’s simply not our job to do so. Sometimes not doing or saying anything at all is doing something big. “I told you so” is very rarely kind or helpful.
Wives, you are so very, very important. You are loved. You are valuable. Make use of the gifts and blessings that God has poured out onto your life and, in the same way, pour them onto your husband. He truly needs you – probably a whole lot more than you may know.