I hear a lot of people say, “I could never leave my kids!” or “My kids are more important than my marriage.”
And I understand those sentiments. But hear me out:
We are a tight-knit family who does nearly everything together. Yet, whenever we go on a vacay with the boys, or even take a trip to the zoo, Jesse and I often have to stop and pause at the end of the day, look one another in the eyes, and say “Oh, hi there!”
We realize that after an entire 12 hours together, we haven’t connected once. We have answered two zillion questions, broken up multiple arguments & taken care of the needs of our kids (which we love doing!), but we also need to take care of the needs of one another.
It’s easy in the midst of life and responsibilities to look up and realize days have passed where you’re tackling life together, but you haven’t spent any time together.
We have felt firsthand the disconnect that creates in a marriage. The enemy loves nothing more than to fill the gaps with things to keep you disconnected from your spouse because he knows how sacred that bond is. You have to fight for your marriage.
If we aren’t intentional, before we know it, years can pass. I’ve heard stories where once a couple’s kids have grown and moved out of the house, they realize they aren’t in love anymore, and they end up getting divorced. This breaks my heart. I don’t want this to be anyone’s story.
Just like a garden, our marriage needs tending too regularly. It needs to be treated with care, fed and watered, and pruned.
Our kids are a blessing, but those relationships and responsibilities should not get in the way of the one you have with your spouse.
A healthy marriage pours into a happy, healthy family dynamic, and an unhealthy marriage pours into an unhealthy family dynamic.
No matter which way you turn it, the Bible is clear that your marriage comes BEFORE your children. It isn’t a command that is meant to cause harm. It is one that creates long-lasting joy and positive generational patterns.
For example, healthy communication in marriage (even disagreements) that your children view will likely create healthy communication patterns between your children, their friends, and their future spouses.
Healthy intimacy and affection between a husband and wife will do the opposite of producing sexuality shame in your children. It displays the beautiful gift of intimacy & pleasure that God has designed for their marriage.
Accountability, love, community, boundaries, and worship as a couple produce fruit within the hearts of your children.
The dominos fall as they watch how you live and love one another. They will do what you do more than they do what you say.
It isn’t too late to start today. That’s the beauty of the Gospel – grace is freely given! Take that date (weekly). Go on that vacation. Give those public hugs and kisses.
To learn how to do this, enroll in my biblical study: The Wife Project: From Roommates to Soulmates.
Just as we set goals for our health, home, finances, and life, we must set goals for a healthier, more God-honoring marriage.
I would love to hear from you all. Tell me some things you and your spouse have set in place to ensure you spend quality time with one another!